For my birthday, my friend Tyler gave me Tomodachi Life for Nintendo 3DS. It’s a slice-of-life game where you create people (“Miis”) whose problems you have to solve, sort of like The Sims crossed with a Tamagatchi. It’s simultaneously the most dumb game I’ve ever played and the most hilarious thing ever. The Miis interact autonomously, resulting in situations that are absolutely bonkers. It’s probably meant to be a game for kids, but the Mii Maker is just so damn fun I’ve just been toying around with it all afternoon while catching up on Mad Men.
Welcome to Cool Ranch island. I wish it was Cooler Ranch because those were clearly the superior DORITOS® flavor but it only allowed for 10 characters.
Let me introduce you to the people of Cool Ranch Island. The first three inhabitants, Ruth, Tyler, and Nicole, like to hang out and do squats. You know, like we do in real life.
Ian is a Mii too but he typically has better crap to do than hang out with the squatters. Very realistic so far, eh?
Tyler is constantly stretching his arms and legs which is super annoying and gross. But he has a bunch of cactuses which is very realistic on the game’s part, so kudos, Tamodachi Life.
See, Tyler can’t stop stretching. He goes over to other people’s apartments and stretches.
OH YEAH, did I mention we’re all in a rap group? The thing wouldn’t accept curse words so Pube was the worst thing I could come up with.
Generally my Mii is running on a treadmill or jumping around like an insane person. But she has a very chic hat.
Nicole is super pissed at something Archie said and her face is stuck like this now. Oh, I created a character based on Archie Andrews and he’s essentially perfect– he spends his days rolling on the floor like a dog.
Archie is always so awkward with the other Miis that he ends up in stupid fights with everyone and then he cries for hours about it. Like today, we fought over this stethoscope. Where did that even come from???
Then Tyler cut Archie in half. R.I.P.. I told you this game made no sense.
Oh yeah and my friend Fletcher got a bee costume somewhere and he likes to wear it and dance to classic rock CDs. I think he would kill me if he saw this atrocity. So let’s keep this between us, okay?